Let's Get Lit

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at our usual spot, Brodie and Sara's House. It's a great way to enjoy a delicious meal without the family drama...

But my favorite part of Thanksgiving always is, and always will be the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...

The grand conclusion of the parade is Santa, and I've always said that the Christmas season officially starts when Santa's sleigh reaches Macy's at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. This year I am especially excited about Christmas, and I have been since early October (strange I know). It must have something to do with the new house, but I'm going all out.

Every year our tradition is to spend Black Friday decking the halls, and this Black Friday was no different. Unfortunately, no Goodfriend home project (even decorative ones) can get done without something that is in need of fixing rearing it's ugly head. This time it was the gutters....

When Derek got on the ladder to hang our icicle lights, he discovered that there was standing water in the gutters... no bueno. So most of the day was spent fixing them. But alas, the time came to hang our icicles! I was very excited. The ones we had from our last place had gotten quite old, and sections would frequently shut off, so we tossed them and got new ones this year. We decided to upgrade and get twinkling icicles because they add a little extra flair. So we headed over to Lowes and picked them up. But that's when the trouble began. Derek hung the first set while I opened all the boxes, untwisted the twist ties, and stretched out the remaining packages. When he was ready for set 2, he realized that the icicles we bought don't connect end-to-end. For rizzle?!? I mean you know that the perfectly lit mansion on the box wasn't lit with one set. And no one in their right mind (especially someone who can afford to have their lights done for them since their house is so big) would run extension cords to every single strand. That's just insane! So we boxed them back up, which was quite a task...

Seriously, it is humanly impossible to put those things back in their boxes without the boxes looking like they're going to bust. Fortunately Lowes took them back despite my not-so-perfect repackaging, and we bought a second set at Big Lots. These ones were slightly more expensive, but we decided that the twinkle effect was totally worth it, so we got them. This time Derek played it smart, and plugged in a set before he even undid the twist ties, and it's a good thing too because that set got returned as well. The box said "Twinkling," but I think the person who wrote that description needs a dictionary.

from www.dictionary.com

I think the person got the word twinkle mixed up with the word flashing because those icicles were practically strobe lights. It was obnoxious, and I'm pretty sure if someone prone to seizures drove down our street we would have ended up with a car parked in our living room. So set number 2 got returned.

Meanwhile, Sunday I had my favorite half marathon, the Space Coast Half...

But no matter how tired I was, I was determined to get our lights up this weekend, so when we got back, we began the hunt once again. For set number 3 we decided to scour the internet to see if we could get a preview of what our local stores carry. Home Depot didn't have any twinkling icicles. Lowes, however, did, and their online site provided a lot of information including whether or not the lights connect end-to-end, and if they are constant, twinkling or strobing (which none of them were because again, that's obnoxious). I found ones that twinkle, connect end-to-end, and were the desired length and price range. They even had them in stock at our local store, and would be available for pick up within 20 minutes. I was sold! We placed the order and headed over to Lowes, and I almost died when I saw what they set aside for me. THE EXACT SAME ONES I STUFFED BACK IN THE BOXES AND RETURNED!!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!? Here is how the conversation with the sales lady went:
Me: "Those don't connect end-to-end, and the ones I ordered do. Can you check the item number to make sure they're the right ones?"

Lady: (looks puzzled) "Huh? How do you know they don't connect end-to-end? I checked and the item number is the same, and online it says they connect end-to-end."

Me: "Listen, this isn't my first rodeo. If you check out those boxes, you'll see that they've clearly been opened and poorly restuffed back in their boxes... by me... 2 days ago. Feel free to take them out and check for yourself. It's not like you have to worry about restuffing them nicely. I didn't... 2 days ago when I stuffed those exact same boxes."

Lady: (again looks puzzled, she did the whole time in fact) "But online--"

Me: "Check."

Lady: (Opens the box and sees that they don't connect end-to-end. Checks the item number in the computer and on the box... 3 times. Reads and rereads the description online... 3 times. Attempts to shove the lights back into the box.) "I guess you're right. Sorry about that, the description online must be wrong. I just don't get it. It's never wrong..."

This is just plain ridiculous.

On to set 4! Last night I resumed my internet searches, and found that Target had sets of 300 count twinkling lights in stock at the Sanford Target. I figured this would be easy because there's a Big Lots next door (where I needed to return set #2), and its close to work. So after work today I went in, and no dice. There was a huge hole next to the 300 count non-twinkling icicles, so I figured they ran out since I checked last night. Fortunately when I checked (anticipating more ridiculousness), I made sure to check Oviedo too, and they had some in stock as well. So on my way home I stopped in the Oviedo Target, and again didn't see any. FML. They had them in the 150 count, but that would mean I would need 10 strands, and that seems a little ridiculous. This time the Christmas section was littered with employees busily stocking the shelves, so I decided to ask one if they had any twinkling 300ct icicle lights. She went to the large gaping hole next to the 300 count non-twinkling lights and looked. Then she scanned the SKU on the shelf and found out that that SKU was for net lights. She searched the Target computers, and said that they never had any in stock. She then searched online, and wouldn't you know their website had a mistake too. At this point I could do nothing but laugh, thank her for her efforts and walk away.

Time for Plan B. When looking through the decorations, I discovered that last year I must have bought some new icicles on clearance because I had 3 boxes. They don't twinkle, but at least they're icicles, and we can buy more non-twinkling icicles easily (I hope). So I got home and took out the boxes....

Sigh. Two boxes with green wire (why ICEicles even have green wire is beyond me), and one with white wire.

So alas, it's 4 days into the Christmas season, and the woman with the most Christmas in her heart STILL doesn't have Christmas hanging from her roof. At least I found an alternative form of Christmas cheer...